When the condolences came rolling in after my mother’s death on Friday, March 22, by the 4th note that said, “she was like a second mother to me,” I knew I needed to share with you all how many “children” my mother actually had.
My beautiful mother was raised in a home in Pensacola, FL that was impacted by insobriety and violence. The third child of three, she was the last to leave home, moving to an aunts house when having to separate her parents when their fueled fights had become too much for her. She was shown kindness that relieved her burden, and she was the only one in her Irish Catholic family that was able to break the generational curse of alcoholism.
Soon after she met a handsome Navy pilot who swept the charming, pretty and poor plumbers daughter off her feet, taking her on a life long journey around the world.
I knew her as a mother who was constant, effervescent, opinionated, kind, funny, loving, and generous. she had a strong sense of justice, and was patient, but ultimately took no guff.
One of the things that was unique about her though, is that you may have experienced her as a mother as well.
It started when I was in early elementary school in Hawaii, when a gorgeous young woman from Wicklow, Ireland fell in love with a handsome fly boy in my father's squadron. Her family was far from her on the occasion of her wedding, and was unable to attend. Bonnie became the mother of the bride for Ann's bridal time, with my father walking her to the alter.
Shortly thereafter a cousin who had gone through some painful times moved in with our family for a new start, the beginning of the Perine home being a place of shelter for those who needed one.
In 1979 I met Jesus while staying at a friend's house, and went home and told my mother, “I'm a Christian now!” She said, “That's nice dear, but we were already Christians.” I asked her to start reading the New Testament to me before bed, and she obliged. At the same time, she had a few co-workers who were also working on introducing her to Christ, and three months later, she came home one day to tell me that she was a Christian now too.
The difficulties of Navy life had taken it's toll on the Perines, as it does on most military families. Neither of my parents had received much instruction or example of how to lovingly serve one another in marriage, much less thrive through constant moves and deployments. Our home had become a occasionally difficult place in those years. My Irish and opinionated mother, once knowing Christ, had a talk with God and told him that she was unhappy with her life, but because she loved Jesus, she would obey him in his command to love even her enemies, and to obey her husband.
The way the story was told to me, was that once she had stopped being at odds with him, my father became confused, and finally asked her... “Why are you being so nice to me?”
Mom said that she loved Jesus now and she was obeying God’s command to be loving.
My understanding was that after her kindness had gone on for a period of time, my father came back to her and asked if he could go to church with her. That is when the course of my family began to change.
And that is when my mother began in earnest to become a mother to many others.
A Navy widow whose husband's plane had gone down, and her two small children became a regular fixture at our kitchen table, where we would sit and talk for hours with our bibles open.
A woman abandoned by her husband moved in for months as my mother helped her build a new life.
In fact she took under her wing several navy wives who found themselves starting over.
Bonnie supported the mother of a blind girl as her daughter went through several surgeries to regain her sight.
By junior high she was becoming a second mom to many of our friends who were in and out of our house, some who had lost their mothers, some who needed some extra mothering, and some who just needed some extra encouragement for the day.
One day I came home from school to Scott Cooper (who had an amazing mother) hanging out with my mom, and apologized because I didn't know he was coming over to see me. He responded that he just came over to hang out with Bonnie, said goodbye, and then took off for work.
There was the pregnant young woman who spent her pregnancy and the baby's early days living with us to make a good launch of her new family.
Two Christian workers on tour that used our home as their home base between nation wide travel jaunts.
One of her international co-workers found a transitional home as she was getting settled in the states.
I have lost track of how many cousins she elevated to honorary “Perine child” status.
Then there was Derick, their midshipman. Several mids passed through our house in Annapolis, but one never stopped showing up. After a few years, I came home from grad school on one occasion and heard my mother introduce him to some folks as, “our son Derick”. I pulled her aside later and said, “Mom, Derick has parents... good ones... they might not like you calling him yours.”
She responded something to the effect that the Armstrongs had done such a good job on him that they should be willing to share. I am not sure Derick was so much adopted as he was conscripted or kidnapped.
Once we were out of the house, Mom begin to travel to mother friends and relatives who were ill, beginning with Cousin Marsha who struggled with her breathing as she would in the end.
And of course she became a second mother to me and to her own grandchildren, when I was not able to meet all the challenges motherhood brought me. And once she caught the gist of special needs grand parenting, she began to start mothering some of my friends who were struggling moms like me.
Just a few years ago, she played the father of the bride, walking her best friend from high school down the aisle during their golden years.
Even from her throne last year, she mothered two of my friends who had lost their own mothers.
At no point did my sister and I feel any less loved by her, for all the love she spent on others.
In preparing for her funeral last week, my dad and I tried to remember all the people that she had brought into our home to be cared for, we were still trying to put faces with names and stories the morning of, and had to move on.
At her funeral this week, I asked the numerous attendees, “If Bonnie was someone you came to think of as a second mother, please stand.” I tried to scan the group and count, but there were more standing than my brain could track.
Bonnie had the loving heart of Christ, and the only thing she would want me to say to you in discussing her passing on to Heave, was that the source of her love, was Christ's love for her. And to share the Gospel with you.
This is the Gospel of Jesus Christ in four parts:
1. We have a Holy, creator God who is perfect, just, and loving.
2. We are fallen, broken, sinful, self-serving, deceitful, and have wicked hearts. Because of that we are doomed to be separated from God.
3. Despite our unworthiness, God pursues us until our last breath, becoming a man, walking with us on earth, living a perfect life in service to us, dying for our sins, and resurrecting Himself to show us that He has conquered sin, death, and hell itself, simply because of His love for us.
4. When we turn from our sin and selfishness, accept God's grace, and give our lives to Christ, we are forgiven by God. Not only for our individual sins, but our sinful nature. This results in a life of obedience and repentance, being joined to God for eternity, and His promises to live with us and make Himself known to us.
A pastor by the name of Tony Campolo once noted that at the end of one's life, they tend to have either a list of titles, or of testimonies by those whose lives they have touched. My beloved mother clearly has the latter.
Her loving and admiring daughter,
Ginger Perine Taylor
Beautiful. Thank you for bringing her to those of us who didn't know her.
Ginger, That was an amazing journaling of an absolutely lovely soul. It is clear to me that you have inherited your Mom's ways. I am sure she was proud of all you have accomplished and all that you have yet to accomplish. BTW: I am currently doing the podcast "The Bible in a Year" with Father Mike Schmitz, and you have managed to pull out many of his teachings.
Well done Ginger!
xo